Porch garden: week 5ish

The cucumbers are sprawling out and gradually claiming my porch.

Jalepenos (sans tilda)

Your standard tomato. Roma, dude.

Chris Bosh: Velociraptor?

I admit, I wouldn't even consider myself a casual fan of the NBA...I pretty much watch the Finals, and I know enough about the better teams by watching ESPN and Sportscenter on a consistent basis.

But Chris Bosh is a fucking velociraptor in a human suit.

Not only are his NBA skills lacking, but dude just screams "RAPTOR."  And no, it's not because he used to play for a team that nearly gave away his big secret.

As I was Googling pics for this post, I see that others have already beat me to it. Your secret is out, Bosh. You're a dinosaur, and we all know it.  Several side-by-side images pop up in Google Images if you google "Chris Bosh velociraptor," which are too similar to discount.

It just seems as if Bosh never comes through offensively.  Missing shots, easy layups...but what do you expect for someone who, under his poor excuse for a human suit, barely has arms long enough to dunk a basketball!  Good thing raptors have such stunning leaping abilities, as showcased in Jurassic Park, in which, I hear, Bosh actually had a cameo.

The Heat may be taking the NBA Championship this year, but you don't fool me, Bosh.  You're a velociraptor.

Porch garden: week 4

The cukes became a tad discombobulated after crazy storms this morning, but soon their awesome tendrils will clamp to the porch for security.

Tomato looks good, but I worry that my jalapeños are in too small of a pot.

Sports sports sports sports

Sports fans, shit's been pretty great lately, no?

Today we had the trifecta-plus-one of sports. (I'm not sure if there's such a thing as quadfecta, hence trifecta-plus-one.)  Any time you can watch and enjoy four different types of legitimate, major sports in one day, well, that's pretty tough to top.

We've currently got the European Futbol 2012 Championship in progress, which meant two matches daily at 11 a.m. and 2 p.m. for the last week. There is nothing like morning football. After the first round-robins, I'm on board with those wily underdogs, the Greeks. They don't really stand a chance, but since they won't really be a part of the EU soon, I'd like to see them go out on top.

Brewers baseball is always ongoing, like it or not.  Unfortunately, it's been a down season for them this year, but it's always enjoyable to have the option to watch them leave the bases loaded or listen to Uecker talk about how incredible Silver Spring Mustard is on a freshly grilled Usinger's bratwurst, although he'll never give you the score in the middle of an inning.  They're currently in the bottom of the 15th against the Twins, locked at four.

The US Open has also been ongoing since Thursday. This year has been particularly entertaining since there is no real top-notch, dominating golfer right now. And also because every professional golfer in the world is getting their asses handed to them by The Olympic Club in San Francisco, California. The leading score right now is ze German Jim Furyk, leading the pack at -1 for the tournament. Even par very well may take the green jacket. (A green jacket mention can't go without the following video:)

And finally, we have the NBA Playoffs. Many smart people don't care about the NBA at all, and some (like myself) only really start paying attention after the Bucks are mathematically eliminated, er, oops, after the playoffs start. I didn't even really follow the first two rounds this year. Let's face it, the NBA sucks as a professional league, tickets are so overpriced, and the only really interesting games to watch are the Conference Finals and NBA Finals. Tonight we have OKC Thunder vs. Hated Bron and the Miami Heat Machine. With the series tied at 1-1 and the Thunder requiring a win in Miami to regain homecourt advantage, tonight should be a heated contest. It's pretty much for the taking, LeBron. If the Heat lose, the fallout will be never-ending.

Of course, this is all an amateur workout up to the Summer Olympics on July 27; two glorious weeks of international competition in sports that mostly don't mean anything, except for table tennis and the uneven bars.

Gushing about Radiohead. (Or: I can get you a toe, dude. You don't wanna know, but there are ways.)

In my recent fandom of the band Radiohead, I've found their appeal to be polarizing among fans of rock music. People who like them really like them, and people who hate them really hate them. Even though I was late to the game -- even turning down stellar seats to their 2003 Alpine Valley show because I felt like I didn't know enough about them to see them live -- I've definitely come to appreciate them and consider myself in the group of people who really, really like them...to the point where I'd have to say they're the most relevant band of our entire generation.

The location was World Music Amp, er, wait, Midwest First Bank Amphitheater at Tinley Park, IL.  I'd been tempted by some shows hosted there before, but had never actually made it there...one of the few Chicago-area venues left on my list.  I brought friend Joe along, and we discovered that, despite a near trip to the ER in Kenosha, the trip went literally perfectly from the time we left Milwaukee until the time we returned.

That's right, a trip to the Kenosha ER was narrowly averted by my quick, MacGyver-like medical skills. I bought a new pair of crappy, knock-off sunglasses the other day, and without my real glasses, I have shaky eyesight as it is.  Somehow, I swear these sunglasses make my eyesight worse. I was wearing them as I stumbled upon the cement curb at the BP gas station, and at first thought that I simply stubbed my toe.  By the time I got to the refrigerated water section, I realized my sandal was squishy.  With blood.  I cautiously purchased my overpriced Fiji water and exited the gas station, trying not to drip blood anywhere.  I just happened to not only have a whole package of random band-aids in my car, but also a totally random pair of shoes and socks in the back as well, not to mention a full-on medical bag of gauze and medical tape. It was my lucky day to get injured, I guess. Despite being largely uncomfortable for the rest of my night, I made it through the night. Quotes about toes from The Big Lebowski dangled in my mind all night.  Now that it's been a few days, it still looks pretty bad...about a pinky-width patch of skin is flappin' off the end of my toe. Who needs stitches, anyway?

Getting in was easy, despite one missed turn. There was no wait to get into the parking lot, and we were parked pretty close to an exit.  We figured this would benefit us on the way out, but it still took us about 25 minutes to get out. 

Miraculously, as we approached the gates, we ran into Dirty and company, so we were able to catch up briefly before heading in, which we did shortly before Caribou took the stage.  I was in line most of the time for a hamburger, so I can't comment much on their performance, other than it sounded good. I've tried Caribou in the past. They're good and all, but not entirely my thing.

Radiohead wowed me, on the other hand, as I fully expected them to do.  On a visual and sonic level, they left nothing behind as they tore through a 2+ hour set containing every tune from their new album, The King of Limbs, and a hand-picked selection of older tunes, mostly from In Rainbows, Kid A, and Amnesiac. The crowd was an interesting mix of over-the-top hipsters ("smacking of effort," as we commented), lots of non-descript folks in their later 20's and early 30's, and a handful of dirty kidz with Phish shirts on.

(The Gloaming. Still gives me chills. Thom seizuring across the stage. It should be rainin'.)

Instead of a blow-by-blow review of the show, I'll try to highlight my top four thoughts/moments. (Why four?  Because I feel three is short-changing the most relevant band of our time, and five would get a little long.)

1)  Professionalism.  Wow, this band is so tight.  For a band that doesn't really tour regularly, they've got every little aspect worked out to a "T."  (Minus the whole stage-collapsing-in-Toronto-and-killing-one-person-last-night thing, which probably wasn't their fault, directly.)  The lights, musicianship, and overall professionalism of their stage presence is probably second-to-none.  Everything seemed so polished. "In its right place," if you will.  Ar ar ar.

(Idioteque @ Coachella, Indio, CA, April 2012. Not the show I'm reviewing, but the audio and visual of this video is second to none, and it's probably a better version than the Tinley version anyway. I could watch Thom dance around on stage all.day.long.)

2)  Setlist.  I walked out realizing that they didn't play two of the "big songs" that I wanted to (and always want to) hear: National Anthem and Paranoid Android.  But in retrospect, I don't think I would have traded anything that they played for either of those songs.  Their shows are very calculated, which also attributes to their aforementioned professionalism. It's a given that they do a long-ish main set, about 1:45 in length.  They close with a heavy-hitter, ("Idioteque," in our case) and then come back to do two 3-4 song encores.  It really gives them an opportunity to fit in a lot more songs and tempo-shifts than if they were to do a regular, full set with a standard 1-2 song encore. Highlights included Idioteque, The Gloaming, my first Kid A ("A" must stand for amazing), Everything In Its Right Place with an intro to the tune of R.E.M.'s The One I Love, Reckoner, and Myxomatosis. There were a few firsts for me in this show -- 3 new tunes (Staircase, Ful Stop, and Identikit, as well as the aforementioned tunes Kid A, Myxomatosis, bust-out Amnesiac b-side The Amazing Sound of Orgy, and of course everything from TKOL.) Ful Stop was mired in technicolored stage projections, which might have blown more minds than any other tune that night. Watch the video below, you'll see. Pretty sure I was seeing rainbow fractals for days following the show.  (On a side-note, normally I hate YouTube concert vids where you can hear people talking, but in this case, the camera man's "Oh My GOD" pretty much sums it all up.)

3) The soft songs. Radiohead is known for their very slow, intricate, beautiful tunes. Amazingly, these are not lost in a 30,000-person capacity shed. Kid A, Codex, Separator, Arpeggi/Weird Fishes, and The Amazing Sound of Orgy caused a few people to sit, but overall the band executed these songs with full precision that lost nothing in the confines of a giant amphitheater. Softer tunes, especially done solo on a piano, can provide that small breather that the crowd needs, but can also provide that moment of restlessness if not placed properly. Radiohead seems to know how to avoid that lull, or at least keep my attention so I don't notice the others whom have lost interest.

4) Song selection. I guess this could be a subcategory of #2/Setlist, but I'm talking more about the song rotation here than what they played. It's just amazing that they have such a full catalog of songs, spanning 8 official studio albums, and more acoustic mix-tapes and single releases, and I still walk out totally content with what they played, ignoring the fact that they skipped a good chunk of songs on my perpetual "Wanna See It Tonight" list, including How to Disappear Completely, Airbag, National Anthem, Paranoid Android, Pyramid Song, I Might Be Wrong, House of Cards, Morning Bell, Bangers + Mash, Just...I mean, I could go on.  Normally, I'd be a little pissed walking out of a show that left that many of my listed songs without a check next to them -- but again, the playing was so dead-on and enjoyable, Radiohead leaves you wanting more, every time.

And that's the mark of a truly great show -- you leave satisfied but still wishing you could have had more. Since they've been on the iPod nonstop in the last week, I'd have to say they've accomplished that feat.

Instagram, Bonnaroo couch festing, and summer boredom

Everyone has commented, "wow, you made it to summer, how awesome!" And on the exterior, yes, it's awesome. Not working for a stretch of 2+ months while still collecting paychecks certainly sounds like the American dream. But problems don't disappear during that time. Paychecks still come, but so do bills and other unexpected costs.

I've had a rough time adjusting to my newfound freedom, leaving me generally bored and thinking, "what am I gonna do until September?" I have various hobbies that I was excited to do, and I can, and do, do those things pretty much whenever I feel. Blogging. Starting an Instagram account. Reading. Porch gardening. Hating Scott Walker. Coming to Milwaukee, going to Brewers games. I'm still bored -- or at least, I feel like I'm just wasting time by doing nothing of importance. The real challenge in all of this is companionship. With all of my friends dispersed around the country (I love you all, but you suck for being so far away), it's tough to find new go-to people with whom to do things. Let's face it friends, we're an odd bunch into quirky things. Who else would grill out at 9 a.m. in anticipation of UEFA league championship soccer? Or go to a July 3 Brewers game in the 12th row behind home plate, then take a bus to Summerfest for Tiesto and fireworks?
I've gone to this shit alone before. I've even had a fun time raging it solo, save for a few moments of awkwardness. In every case, though, it's more fun to be with someone. Anyone.

As mentioned, I've taken to the social media apps to try to not only keep myself occupied, but try to enrich my knowledge of the social media stratosphere so I can attempt to implement it in my classes. I've definitely enjoyed the likes of Instagram, but still don't know much about it...I'm not even sure if non-members can view those picture posts that I make. It's linkable to Facebook (boo) and Twitter, but not blogspot, since that's a Google app. My latest addition was a picture of a car fire I witnessed 50 feet from my parking spot at Bayshore. Once shit started blowing up, I left to go shopping, trying to avoid flying fiery debris.

Finally, this weekend is the Bonnaroo Music and Arts festival, or whatever hokey name they've settled on for a grimy, hot, overpriced music festival not called Lollapalooza or Coachella. They're webcasting the whole shebang-a-bang, which would be way more sweet if the webcast didn't freez or shit out every few minutes. It goes through spurts, but overall so far has not compared to the flawless Coachella webcast. I watched parts of Radiohead last night, in between frozen lapses and inexplicable 30 second repeated loops, and Das Racist today.

Both were enjoyable. I love watching Radiohead's Johnny Greenwood on stage, laboring over his guitars and other toys. I'd heard of Das Racist before, and they were fun as well...three scrubby looking guys rocking the stereotypical MLB flat-brim hats and mumbling indecipherable lyrics, minus a song about Michael Jackson and millions of dollars, and another song that sampled a Billy Joel tune.

Phish gets the main webcast on Sunday, but I'll be seeing the real deal later this month (twice) and seeing Radiohead on Sunday night, which will most likely serve as my next gushing blog review come Monday.

Porch gardens and recall elections

Walker won.

Koch brothers and their money won.

Privitization won.

Unemployment won.

A widening rich-poor gap won.

The long, not so slow, slide toward modern day feudalism won.

Fear won. Greed won. Money won.

Paying off the heads of big corporations on the backs of regular working people won.

So be it. All of these are battles in a much longer war for the soul of this country.

Don't blame me, I voted for Kodos.

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On a happier note, here is a photo from week 1 of my porch garden. That's a tomato on the right, cukes in the middle, my Recall Walker plant, and jalapeños on the far left. I went easy on tomatoes this year since I don't eat a ton of them, and one plant of Roma should provide plenty come August and September.  I do love cucumbers though, so I'm excited to see how many I yield out of one little pot standing in the corner of my porch.