Hurricane Idiocy

Today I saw a CNN interview done with a North Carolinean about the recently-decreed evacuation orders. With Hurricane Irene on the move, and projected to crash right into North Carolina, the National Weather service is starting to predict some pretty nasty possible outcomes.

This gentleman was explaining how they haven't experienced more than a 7-foot surge on his remote Carolina island since the 1930s, and how his property could survive a surge up to about 12 feet. He's defying police orders to vacate and evacuate. Good idea, buddy.

Hurricanes on the Jersey Shore and NYC? Who doesn't
believe in global warming now??

This is the type of gent you see on the news after the hurricane has passed, and has destroyed a small area of our country. He's the guy standing on top of his roof, only feet away from being swept away forever by a rush of ocean water, his only hope for life in clinging to some driftwood.

I have to applaud the CNN commentator. The guy said, "I'm staying here until the helicopters come in and pull me out of here." The commentator replied, "I don't think we should send a helicopter to rescue you after you've already been warned to evacuate, but good luck to you."

Later, another woman was saying how she was also ignoring the evacuation order, simply because she "has a spin class to teach on Sunday." Seriously? It's one thing to underestimate the power of the hurricane out of stubbornness. It's another to believe that people will show up for an exercise class following a devastating, and what is being called "100-year" storm.

Classic example of survival of the fittest, or, non-survival of the weakest and stupidest. I acknowledge that people in New Orleans may not have had the chance, or more importantly, the resources, to evacuate prior to Hurricane Katrina, which, as we all saw, resulted in imminent chaos and images comparable to third-world countries. But these people reek of machismo...the "I've been here for so long, I ain't goin' nowhere" type of guy. They've now had ample warning. I'd say "best of luck" to him, but as my uncle says, "Luck is for people without ability." These people are now beyond luck, and obviously fail at life.

(afternote: I'm happy to see that the damage done to mid- and north-Atlantic states wasn't as bad as first speculated.)

The Battle of Alpine Valley

August 24, 2007. An unforgettable date for me.

The first part of my day was spent driving from Minneapolis to Milwaukee, which concluded a 6,500-mile road trip that started in Wisconsin two weeks earlier. The entire trip looped me from Milwaukee to Denver, then to Las Vegas, onward to Pasadena, and up the coast all the way to Seattle by way of San Francisco and Corvallis. After taking in Pike's Place Market in Seattle and visiting with old friends Leigh Ann and Bjorn Myhre in Tacoma, good friend Josh and I made the three-day trek back to Wisconsin. This portion of the trip earned Montana the nickname "The Forever State," because it did in fact take us forever to traverse the 900-mile long stage.

Awaiting us back home in Wisconsin? A random, one-off show by political music giants Rage Against the Machine at a concert-goers Mecca, Alpine Valley. It seemed like a fitting end to an epic road trip. Earlier that summer, other good friend Adam (previously mentioned in this blog as Dirt D-O-double-G) had miraculously hooked up tickets for us through Ticketmaster. We jumped around our upper flat like kids on Christmas morning when Adam exclaimed, "Uh, we're in the FRONT PIT!" We had never even seen or heard of anything like a "front pit" area at Alpine Valley, but figured they'd allowed it for this show since fans would have otherwise ripped the seats out of the ground by the screws.

Now, I've been to a lot of concerts. By my rough estimation, I've been to between 250 and 300 "concerts." It's tough to gauge a realistic number since a few of those are festival shows. Do you count each band seen as one concert, or the whole day as one? At any rate, I've been to a very healthy handful of concerts and live music performances at all types of venues in all types of cities, ranging from dive bars in Stevens Point, Wisconsin to New Year's at the Hammerstein Ballroom in New York City. I think Rage Against the Machine's Battle of Alpine Valley 2007 killed them all.

It's always tough to qualify concerts -- sometimes the musical aspect of the show can totally suck, but standing in the right area with the right people can leave you with a favorable perception of the show. Likewise, sometimes you're just not feeling the atmosphere, the venue, or the crowd, although the music truly shines. This night at Alpine Valley, everything fired on all cylinders.

We arrived to Alpine Valley in the late afternoon and took shelter in Adam's Subaru Outback as the skies opened and offered a torrential downpour for 20 minutes. We noted that the lines to get in were already long for the lawn-boys...luckily we had no rush to get in since we were guaranteed standing room spots directly at the stage's front. We waited out the storm and entered the amphitheater to an already-packed lawn, most of which had since turned to mud. Everyone was muddy already. Mudslides a la Jewel of the Nile ensued; everyone was simply coated. The Battle of Alpine Valley was already raging and not a single note of music had been played. You think I'm joking? Check this video, captured before openers Queen of the Stone Age even took the stage.

We masqueraded around the mud pits as efficiently as possible and made our way down...down...all the way down to the stage. Just to make a point, I walked all the way up to the front gate and touched it when we got there. I've never been closer to the stage than at this show. You'd have to be ON stage to be closer. Queens of the Stone Age did their thing as Josh, Dirty, and I nervously took in the pit. We were flanked everywhere by dudes who were 6'6" and taller, 250 pounds and heavier, full of testosterone, and apparently both pissed off about life and amped for the show.

Knowing that we'd get our asses handed to us in the mosh pits during the show, I entered the show with only my wallet in my pocket. No phone, no glasses, not even chapstick. It proved to be a wise decision. Cameras were everywhere, and rumors that the band was taping this performance for a DVD release were flying like the mud cakes from the upper part of Alpine Valley. By this point, so many clumps of mud had been thrown around the place, we were starting to get muddy down in the front pit.

Rage Against the Machine took the stage after an absolutely ridiculously awesome introduction from guitarist Tom Morello's mom. The band immediately tore into "Testify;" the audience in the pit reacted by jumping, pushing, and clawing at anyone around them. It was brutal; it was a survival of the fittest; it was the Battle of Alpine Valley; and it was freaking incredible. You see that throng of jumping bodies 15 feet in front of Zach de la Rocha?  That was us.

The crowd became more raucous and rabid with each song, and they played 'em all. Bombtrack, Killing in the Name, Bulls on Parade, People of the Sun, Revolver, Guerrilla Radio, Calm Like a Bomb...energetic Rage classic after classic. And for a loud (and the sound was quite loud) metal/rap band playing a single show, they were tight. Rage didn't miss a single note, de la Rocha jumped around the stage like a pinball, and the band fired on all cylinders. de la Rocha even offered a rant on the hypocrisy behind George W. Bush's entire political career and motives, launching the already amped crowd into more of a pissed-off frenzy.

The moshing continued. There were parts of the show where I had to resort to the extreme side of the stage for a breather, making me realize not only how out-of-shape I was, but how strong a throng of people can be. People generally tried to stop and pick up people who had fallen in the mosh pit, but it was so large, uncontrollable, and chaotic that you couldn't help but step on people during songs. At times it was safer in the middle of the mosh pits, as standing on the perimeter of it just meant you were the brick wall that stopped the flying people in the middle of it. There were no safe places; the entire general admission front pit was generalized chaos.

Tired, sweating, bruised, beaten, and completely muddy, we left right after the encore. I'm pretty sure either Adam or Josh had to leave their shoes in the parking lot because they had somehow turned from regular shoes to a clump of gritty mud, sweat, and sludge. We rehashed war stories on the way home like we just left Vietnam, started feeling sore spots and emerging bruises, and all vowed that we'd do it again in a heartbeat.

I still get chills watching those videos. Rage Against the Machine, I'm pretty sure you put on the greatest concert spectacle -- musically and experiential -- I've ever witnessed.

Fantasy Friendship League: Pulaski version

In college, a good friend (we'll just call him "Dirty") introduced a great concept to me: the Fantasy Friendship League. It was a self-made list of your "starting five" friends at any given time, because the concept of having a "best friend" was beginning to seem a bit elementary. Obviously, everyone in your "starting five" were among your best friends, but the #1 or #2 starter were the friends who were really performing well at the time -- you know, like the ones who would go and buy you a pack of smokes on the way over to your house, or who would take their friend's PointCash card to get them food from Taco Bell only to find out that you were stuck at the drive-through with a zero-balance card and no cash.  (Both of those earned, or should have earned, me a #1 or #2 position at the time, Dirt.)

These days, I've barely got enough friends to fill out a "starting five" and ample bench squadron, but if I were constructing a list based solely on top 5 friends in Pulaski, I know who my #1 starter would be.  MTV Jams. That's not to say I haven't met anyone here yet. I've met a lot of great people...in fact, everyone I've met has been super friendly, helpful, and welcoming. But, I can't exactly have the superintendent of Pulaski schools and other co-workers as my starting five. Like I said...they're great, nice people, some of whom may eventually find their way into my starting five. But for now, they're co-workers and newly found acquaintences. I've always had a staunch stance on "work friends" vs. "real friends," at least since being employed by The Pointer at UW-Stevens Point. Ahem.

MTV Jams has been there for me at all hours. Like a true friend, it's not always bringing its A-game, but more often than not provides me with a great source of entertainment, a chuckle, or offering me something to think about. On Monday, in honor of the release of the new Jay-Z/Kanye West album, we were able to share in a glorious day of nothing but Jigga and Yeezy videos. There were old classics, newer additions, and plenty that I hadn't seen before.

I'd have to say that beyond the obvious greatness of every Jay-Z video ever made ('03 Bonnie & Clyde, what?!), the most ridiculous video that has capivated me is "9 Piece" by Rick Ross and Lil' Wayne. It's all there --- superfluously self-promoting lyrics, ridiculousness, tattoos, and of course...cell phones. (Warning: it's the explicit version and it's...well...explicit.)

OK, in all seriousness, here's a truly great rap video.

A new home with a new smell

I've officially made the move northbound to my new home, Pulaski, Wisconsin. I wrestled with the choice of moving to Pulaski, which is where I'll be teaching, or Green Bay, the closest and largest city (I wanted to use the word metropolis, but just can't) in proximity to Pulaski. Ultimately, Pulaski won out, with the rationale that I'd rather drive to Green Bay twice on the weekends to hang out as opposed to driving to Pulaski five days per week to commute to work.

Pulaski is small. And that's not necessarily a bad thing. You can count the town's dining options on two hands. You've got McDonald's, Dairy Queen (good for ice cream but I'm not sure I've ever tried actual "food" from DQ), Subway, Cousins, two small Mom-n-Pop diners (one of which definitely used to be a Hardee's), and a Chinese place that is called China Wok or Panda Garden or Emperor's Buffet or something like that. I've found through the years that small Chinese places like this are either decently good or really bad. I'm obviously hoping for the former. Either way, I foresee myself eating at Cousins and Subway. A lot. Anthony Bourdain will not be shooting any episodes for No Reservations in Pulaski, or even Green Bay.

There are two gas stations. A few bars. And a lot of farming and machinery type cooperatives, which brings me to the point of this post. The farm smell is strong. Much stronger than I've ever experienced. I have memories of driving through the country as a youngster and burying my face in my pillow while my mom took deep breaths of cow-soaked air, "Ahhhh that fresh country is great!" I always thought, "How can you like that smell?" I guess that's the difference between someone who grew up on a farm and myself, who grew up in a city. I prefer the smell of dead bodies and feral cats over cows.

I went for an exploratory walk tonight and passed two farm machine-type co-ops that were dispensing grain, or loading trucks with fertilizer, or doing whatever it is that they do at those places. The odor was strong. I'm not saying that Pulaski smells like...well, you know. But my biggest adjustment in moving to Pulaski won't necessarily be adjusting to the small size of the town; it'll be adjusting to the crazy, overwhelming scent of farm and cow.

I do believe that Pulaski will grow on me, especially as the schoolyear draws closer. But I really hope that I get used to that cow and farmy smell pretty soon.

Not all Young Adult Lit is created equal...

"Harry Potter is all about confronting fears, finding inner strength, and doing what is right in the face of adversity. Twilight is about how important it is to have a boyfriend."
                                                                                                             -Stephen King

Since completing a class in my English Education program entitled "Young Adult Literature," I've taken a greater interest in the genre. Prior, I hadn't even know such a niche existed. I'm not sure if it's because my first year of teaching is approaching, or it just happened coincidentally, but I've really buried myself in easy-to-read, hormone-infested books that deal with coming-of-age, high school life, and life-changing decisions.

The unfortunate, most recent of these books, and the one which ultimately inspired this diatribe, was the fourth and final installment of the Twilight series, entitled Breaking Dawn. Simply put, it sucked. 754 pages of basically nothing happening, whatsoever.  **SPOILER ALERT:** here is my brief plot synopsis.

Bella, the humanoid fiancee of Edward, you know, Robert Pattinson, the gorgeous, perfectly chiseled vampire (I only mention that because it's mentioned eight million times throughout all four books), finally ties the knot with said vampire. The two honeymoon, and reluctantly bust humps, despite Edward's reservations about his strength being too much for Bella to handle. Bella gets knocked up, (because all it takes is once, kiddies, even when you know it's impossible) despite their prior belief that it wasn't possible since, apparently, becoming a vampire prohibits baby vampires from swimming down the ol' Egg River. As Bella is giving birth to the half baby/half vampire, she inevitably faces complications. To save her, Edward turns her into a vampire.  That would cover the first 500 pages or so.

I was hoping that the final 254 pages would present some sort of climax, and while it hinted at one, I'd say any sort of action in the book was sorely lacking. The Volturi, or vampire Gestapo if you will, catches wind of this monster baby, terribly named "Renesmee" (a combination of Bella's mother's name, Renee, and Edward's mother, Esme. UGH.), and have to decide whether to kill terribly-named monster baby or let her live in happiness and harmony with her perfectly beautiful mother and father. (Again, there is no shortage throughout on emphasizing how important perfect looks are.) I sensed and hoped for some sort of fight, but alas, they solved the problem diplomatically, and all involved parties live happily, and beautifully, ever after.

Another aspect of the book that made my eyes roll back in their sockets so badly that they nearly fell out was the "love" that now-married Bella showed for her "best friend," werewolf, and husband's mortal ex-enemy Jacob. Another 200 pages or so were devoted to Bella jerking Jacob around, telling him she loved him, touching him, embracing...I didn't know otherwise impregnable vampiresses were such teases to werewolves. And congratulations, Stephanie Meyer, for finding out how to extend 200 pages of material (tops!) into 754 long, agonizing pages of useless description, streams of consciousness, and emotional self-analyses.

Oh but wait, I know why. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows was 759 pages, and they made two movies out of it. (Albeit much, much better story telling, character development, and plot twists occur throughout the entire Potter series as opposed to the scat that Meyer wrote for Twilight.) Not to be outdone, it's only fitting that Hollywood drag this out for as long as possible, as Breaking Dawn will also be released theatrically in two parts. I can only imagine the first installment will mostly focus on Bella and Edward romantically nuzzling and embracing for a good 90 minutes.

Not all is lost, though. I'd highly recommend any of the following Young Adult books, even for the most seasoned of readers. They're light, an easy read, and at times, can take you back to your lost and frequently forgotten younger years.

The Hunger Games Trilogy (The Hunger Games, Catching Fire, and Mockingjay) by Suzanne Collins

Pros: Surprisingly, it provided a pretty good escape and painted a vivid picture of a futuristic world lost in the madness of entertaining itself by putting their children in a field to fight to the death. The books were never dragged out or too long. I was surprised by the frank manner in which Collins presented death throughout the series -- apparently kids aged 13-18 have a gloomier view on reality than my somewhat sheltered generation did. We'll see the first installment of this trilogy hitting theaters sometime in 2012, with an interesting cast featuring side characters played by Woody Harrelson, Donald Sutherland, and Lenny Kravitz.

Cons: Another wishy-washy "should I choose him, or him?" relationship quandary exists throughout this series, but not as aggravating as the one presented in Twilight. Of course, with nearly all Y.A. lit, this trilogy, at times, became rather predictable.

My rating:  Good, very entertaining, but not great.


Divergent by Veronica Roth

Pros: This thick book, just released in May of 2011, didn't really meander or drag on in an unnecessary fashion. The main character, Beatrice, was fairly interesting to keep tabs on, and the romance within the book never got to a level that made me gag. The action, plot, and the general way the story unfolded made me want to continue reading. The action and death presented, similarly to The Hunger Games, are rather blunt and straightforward. I also thought it neat that Roth included Chicago landmarks and buildings within the plot, as this takes place in a futuristic rendition of The Second City. I'm excited for the next installment of the trilogy to come out, rumored to happen in May of 2012, and apparently the book rights were just purchased by Hollywood execs, so expect a movie by 2013, I'd guess.

Cons: You never really find out why their weird, futuristic society (which is divided into five "factions") ended up in their current state. I'm guessing, and hoping, that this is detailed in the next book. Otherwise, I'd say it's a rather huge oversight.

My rating: I'd put this near the top of the list in entertaining Y.A. books I've read, although the lack of explanation about their society keeps it from attaining "great" status. For now.


The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky

Pros: I was naturally inclined to like this book since it's been banned or challenged by many schools. And undoubtedly, its inclusion of sex, drugs, alcohol, and homosexuality would trigger those crazy, suburban, right-winged mothers to think they're bigger than the 1st Amendment. Although controversial topics abound, they're presented in a very realistic manner that any student going through high school did or is bound to encounter. It's tough not to sympathize with the protagonist, Charlie, throughout this book, and clocking in at just under 200 pages, it's a remarkably quick, easy, and enjoyable read.  Wallflower is also due out in theaters in 2012, with Emma Watson (more popularly known as Hermione from the Harry Potter movies) playing Sam, the unattainable love of Charlie's life.

Cons: I've got no literary qualms with this book. It gets a little sad from time to time, but hey, life is tough and Chbosky does a spot-on job of telling it like it is.

My rating: Read it. Then read it again.

---

Judging by the number of books you'll find now in the "Young Adult" section of Barnes and Noble, it's no secret that the genre is taking off with all sorts of new series that are not your mom-and-pop's version of children's books. And no, not all of them are about vampires. The genre will only get bigger, especially with all of these books finding their ways to the silver screen in the next year. Don't hate...in fact, I'm proud to admit that I don't even call them "guilty pleasures" anymore.